Twice in One Week

While I was sitting in the Houston airport during my layover on my way home from Seattle, Isaiah called. He asked if I was free Wednesday night for dinner, which I was. He offered to cook, and I have an awesome kitchen at my house, so we decided he would come over and cook here. Or at least, that was the plan- until Wednesday morning, when I noticed my roommate was still home at a time when she would normally be at work. I asked why, and she told me she had pneumonia.

Now, I've never had pneumonia myself, but I can't imagine that it's pleasant. Furthermore, I can't imagine that I'd want to have some random guy my roommate just started dating traipsing around my house while I'm sick with pneumonia. So I called Isaiah and put the kibosh on our dinner plans.

When I told him, he suggested that I come to lunch with him and two of his friends that day instead. I did, and it was really fun- his friends were both really nice and the sushi was great. Afterwards, he invited me back to another friend's house where he is staying for a few days to do a project for her. He offered a shoulder rub, which turned into making out, which turned into screwing in the kitchen. Sorry, Isaiah's friend- I promise we cleaned up everything we touched.

That was Wednesday night. Friday, I had invited Isaiah to join me for a performance of a friend's band. The performance was at 7, but he wanted to get together at 1 and “hang out.” I managed to push that back to “sometime in the afternoon.” So when I was out with two of my friends on Friday afternoon, they suggested he come meet us. He did, things were nice, etc., but I couldn't help but wonder when we'd finally get a date that didn't involve friends.

He came back to my house afterward to kill some time before the show. I'm sure you can figure out what that entailed. Before I realized it, it was 6:45 and I was nowhere near ready to get out of bed and be seen in public. So I missed the show.

And it was probably worth missing the show for. He's very enthusiastic in bed, and definitely has longevity. But that doesn't quite translate into mind-blowing sex. Don't get me wrong- he's good. Just not top-ten.

As we were laying in bed talking, he mentioned wanting to call me his girlfriend. That freaked me out a LOT. I just got out of a relationship two weeks ago! I'm definitely not in a hurry to get back in another one. Plus I don't know if I like him that much yet. He's a very nice guy, and I do have a fun time with him, but there is just something about it that I'm not feeling. I don't know if that's because I just ended things with the Diplomat, or if it's something about Isaiah, but I'm not going to make any big moves right now.

I'm most worried that he wants to hang out daily, while I'm still in the “twice a week may be too often” phase. I need a lot of space even while in a relationship, but especially in the beginning stages of one. When I'm most infatuated with a guy, it'll come out in me wanting to talk to him daily. But there's no way I want to see the same person every day. That was even an issue while the Diplomat and I were spending just about every other night together- I felt like I didn't have enough alone time. Am I unusual in this? What's your sweet spot in how often you see someone you're dating?

In the Immortal Words of Ms. Joplin- Get it While You Can

This weekend, two of my friends got married in Seattle! As a former wedding coordinator (one of my many previous incarnations,) they asked me to lend a hand to make sure everything went well for their day. It was very much a friends and family affair- seven of us took a trip to the farmer's market in the morning to pick up flowers, the bride's aunt tied the bouquets, and the officiant was one of the bride and groom's closest friends in Seattle who was ordained on the internet.

And that officiant. Oh my. The groom had told me ahead of time that the officiant, Antimony* was available, but he hadn't warned me that he was gloriously tall, cute in that needs-a-haircut kind of way, and amazingly sweet. I noticed at the wedding rehearsal and the rehearsal brunch that Antimony was showing me a bit of attention. My suspicions were confirmed (in a good way) when he walked me partway back to my hotel afterward.

It was the next day at the wedding, though, that the we really connected. As the officiant and the official reception emcee, Antimony and I were in constant contact. Even when we weren't doing work-type things, we were hanging out- including sharing bites of the ice cream that the bride and groom had brought in instead of cake (brilliant idea, by the way!) Still, that was as far as it went- some smiles, a bit of touching on the arm, and once I'm pretty sure I laid my head on his shoulder. He wasn't making any moves and I wasn't really willing to put it all out there during our friends' wedding, so things kind of stalled. Then he mentioned that he was flying to Michigan on the red-eye that night, and I figured that was the end of things. I'll admit, I was more than a little disappointed.

When everything was packed up afterwards, I noticed Antimony hanging around even though it was just me and the parents left putting things into cars. I decided it was my last chance, regardless of him flying out that night, and that there was no harm in rejection, so I asked if he would walk me back to my hotel again. He did. When we got there, I asked if he would come up and see my fancy hotel room. He did that too.

As we were looking out the window at the awesome view (I told you it was a fancy hotel room) I laid my head on his shoulder again, and he put his arm around me. As I looked up to smile at him, he leaned down and kissed me. It couldn't have been better if I planned it. He was a very passionate kisser, with his hands on my waist and in my hair and a delicious electricity between us. When we finally broke the kiss, I took a step back and offered him something to drink. He replied, “I'd rather have another kiss.” Believe me, he didn't need to ask twice.

The next thing I knew, we were sideways on the bed, his arms around me and my legs around him. Even with our clothes on, we rotated through several positions while making out- me on top, him on top, my legs over his shoulders, both of us sitting up- and with each change in position, another piece of clothing came off.

We were down to our underwear as I straddled him. That is, until I began kissing my way down his chest and stomach, until I finally got to his boxers. I wanted to see what I'd been feeling, and I was not disappointed. Neither was he, as I kept kissing my way down a little further.

Eventually he pulled me back up to him so I was straddling him again, this time pulling off my panties in the process. With a few strokes, I was in heaven. It was like Antimony was shaped especially for me- he hit all the right places. We're not just talking good sex- we're talking AMAZING sex. Had I known in advance how my body was going to react I would have put a towel down, as the sheets quickly became a sopping wet mess. Afterwards, we lay there close together, my head on his shoulder, talking and laughing and marveling in what we'd both just experienced.

And that was just round one. Before I knew it we were kissing again, and I could feel him pressing into me. I climbed back on. This time, he got tired before finishing again (not that I blame him in the least- he was doing most of the work) so we collapsed back down onto the bed. “I hope you know we're not finished,” he told me. And we weren't. The final round was my favorite. It was a bit slower than the first two, but no less passionate. We held each other close as he moved inside of me until we'd both reached our ends.

For the last time, we lay with his arms around me and my head nestled in his shoulder, caressing each other and watching the sky slowly get dark outside the window. We both had to fight the urge to fall asleep and make him miss his flight to Michigan. Finally, as the street lights came on, we got dressed and I showed him out.

Long live weddings, and the amazing friends who have them.

(*A note on the nickname: Seattle Barista = SB = Sb = Antimony! Yay Periodic Table of Elements!)

Jumping Back In

Even as things were getting serious with the Diplomat and I was slipping into “accidental monogamy,” I remained in contact with several of the guys I had been dating. For the most part, these were interactions as friends, like when the Pirate came to the burlesque show with me over the weekend. Mr. Dimple is another one whose friendship has grown over the past few months. When I told him I didn't think I wanted to be sleeping with other people back in May, he took it totally in stride and never forced the issue. He was also the first person I talked to when I discovered the Diplomat's cheating.

Mr. Dimple's live-in girlfriend went out of town for a few days, and he invited me to come hang out for the day on Thursday since my internship was over. Don't worry, his girlfriend was totally cool with it- unlike some, they are upfront with each other when they're seeing other people. She and I have even hung out. The invitation was mostly as friends, though, and I was looking forward to hanging out with him.

Since his girlfriend had taken their car to go out of town, I drove down to his house. I'll admit, in going to his house for the first time I was most excited to meet his dog. He has an adorable, sweet Rottweiler (I think?) mix that is a total love-bug. The dog and I were instant friends. It may have something to do with the treats I gave him.

We picked up some Thai carry-out, which we took back to his place to eat while watching streaming netflix. Oh, how I love you, streaming netflix. We laughed our assess off at the debauched comedy of Louis CK, and then got comfy together on the couch as we started what turned out to be a bad-movie marathon. Sitting next to each other turned into leaning on him, which turned into laying together on the couch. Still, it wasn't until the end of the last movie that we started making out.

I had forgotten what an amazing kisser Mr. Dimple is. Just the right amount of pressure and tongue- he sent shivers down my spine. Just as I had been nervous before my date with Isaiah that I wasn't ready to go out with a new person, I had been wondering when I'd be ready to have sex with somebody after months of monogamy. As his hands founds his way to my bra clasp, I knew I was ready to jump back in RIGHT THEN.

And man, was it a good way to do so. We didn't even make it to the bedroom- he just bent me over the back of the couch. His hands were everywhere I wanted them to be, and his mouth moved from my shoulders to my neck to right behind my earlobes, and back again. When it was over, I collapsed into a sweaty, giggling heap on the couch. “I really needed that,” I explained, and promptly let myself fall over onto his lap.

I finally got around to collecting myself enough to get dressed and ready to go. With a huge hug, a friendly kiss, and a contented grin, I headed home.

Things I Miss About Having a Boyfriend

Things I Miss About Having a Boyfriend:

Sharing the gigantic, comfy bed in a hotel room

Sleeping on his shoulder during the flight

Kissing goodbye at the airport

Calling after a flight to let him know I've arrived okay


I'm in Seattle this weekend for a friend's wedding. It's the trip the Diplomat and I were supposed to be taking together.

Getting Back on the Horse

With the implosion of things with the Diplomat, the vultures immediately began to circle. I had two booty call offers that weekend, but I chose not to take either one. Instead, I went to see a burlesque show by myself on Friday night. I was able to just enjoy myself, being by myself. Though the Pirate joined me halfway through the show, there was no pressure to make it a date.

I had been talking to a new guy online just before the breakup, and he chose that week to finally ask me out. I was really nervous about whether or not I was ready to go on a date with a new person, but I ultimately decided that I wanted to give it a shot. Worst case scenario, I could be that crazy woman that breaks down in the middle of dinner shouting “I just can't do this!”

We agreed to meet for drinks on Wednesday night, which also happened to be my last day at my internship. What I didn't realize is that my coworkers had planned to take me out for happy hour that night as well. When I found that out, I was stuck. I could cancel the date and go to happy hour, meet my date later that night, or invite him to come to happy hour with us. I took the last route.

That's right, I changed plans on a first date to bring him to happy hour with six coworkers. I'm a bad person.

Isaiah was a good sport about the whole situation. One of my coworkers teased that it was the first test- if he couldn't deal with me changing plans to something crazy at the last minute, we probably wouldn't last. He got along well with all of us, and was laughing and talking with everyone. On my end of things, it took a lot of pressure off the first date. I didn't feel like I had to fill the silences or come up with endless interesting conversation, because there were other people who had things to say as well. I'm sure it wasn't quite so easy for him, but at the end of the day, I liked it.

As people began to dwindle away from the happy hour, Isaiah and I decided to go down the block to a nearby cafe and get some dessert. We split a brownie sundae, and had really interesting conversation about music (he's a bass player), the fluidity of sexuality (we're both somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale), and how hot that Old Spice commercial guy is (he can imitate Isaiah Mustafa's booming voice perfectly- thus this date's nickname). He was really easy to talk to! It also helped that he is super hot- tall and muscular, with medium-length dreds. At one point I touched his arm, and it took all my willpower not to rub all the way up to his bicep.

Things were winding down with dessert, and as I was about to ask him to walk me to my car, he suggested we go down to the neighborhood park. I was really not wanting the date to end yet, so I agreed. We found the little playground at the side of the park, and sat down on the swing-set. How much cuter can you get on a first date than brownie sundaes and a swing-set? I was killing myself with the sugary sweetness of the whole situation, and loving every minute of it.

He did walk me back to my car after that, and as we were saying goodbye we kissed. The entire date I'd been thinking to myself, “This is going so well. Please don't let him turn out to be a bad kisser!” I was worried over nothing- that boy knew what he was doing.

Ideally, I wouldn't suggest that someone go on a date just a week after a hurtful breakup. But I've never been one for following my own advice. He may be a rebound, or he may be around for a while- only time will tell. Either way, having a good date with Isaiah was a wonderful reminder that life goes on.

Mind the Red Flags

So I disappeared for a bit there. My apologies. The Diplomat and I were getting really serious, and it didn't seem right to be blogging about it. When I say really serious, I mean conversations about where to live and how many kids to have and when we'd want to get married.

That was all brought to a crashing halt last week, when I found out that he had been secretly dating another woman. The problem isn't the dating, it's the SECRETLY dating. The most important thing to me in a relationship is honesty, and he was being dishonest not only to me, but to her.

How did I find out? It's not a proud moment for me. I read his email. That in and of itself should have been a big enough red flag for me to end the relationship. When you can no longer trust your partner without feeling the need to spy on them, there is a serious problem. What made it even worse for me was that he and I had had a conversation not even a week before about how I was having trust issues, and I thought we really needed to work on them. Instead, he was apparently planning dates with this other woman.

But in speaking of red flags, I have to kick myself for not minding the biggest one I've ever had in a relationship. Back in May, the first time I ever read his email account, I discovered that he and his friends had been saying really terrible things about me behind my back. We're talking name calling, body-bashing, downright hateful things. And yes, the Diplomat was not only allowing these conversations to take place, but participating in them.

I of course confronted him about what I had seen. He was horribly embarrassed (as well he should have been,) but more because I had found out about the behavior than the way he'd been acting in the first place. He apologized profusely, cried—the whole nine yards. And I forgave him. I chalked it up to a stupid decision on his part to try to impress his idiotic friends. I felt betrayed, yes, but I thought it was something we could move past.

Clearly, I was wrong. I realized how wrong I was when all I could think about were the things he'd said and my overwhelming desire to look at his email again to know if he was still doing it. That's why I was looking at his email last week, when I discovered him cheating.

I don't blame the other woman at all. He was lying to her just as much. In the emails I found, he carefully avoided mentioning me in any way. So the next day, after he and I broke up, I sent her an email. It said that I was not mad at her, but that I wanted her to know what was going on. I explained that I was almost certain that she had no idea I existed. She was kind enough to reply later that day to confirm my suspicions- her response said, “I am so sorry. I never would have gone out with him if I knew he had a girlfriend.”

With that one line, she confirmed everything I knew to be true. The Diplomat had been swearing that they were just hanging out as friends and that nothing had happened, and like most people who have just ended a relationship with someone they love, I wanted to believe him. Because of her response, though, I know he was lying to me. I don't know if anything happened between them. I don't want to know. But whether or not they ever got physical, he was cheating on me.

A little over a week later, I am still dealing with those feelings of betrayal. We'd had a trip planned for this weekend, which I am now taking alone. I also had a first date last night with someone new. Even so, it's still fresh and it still stings. I'm confident that each day, though, will be a little easier than the day before. It is that thought which is getting me through.