I'd been thinking a lot since my last date with Isaiah. It was painfully clear that he liked me way more than I liked him, and that he was looking for something more serious than I can offer right now. I mean, I just got out of a serious relationship less than a month ago! I don't think it's unfair to want some fun right now without commitment.
Like I've said before, Isaiah is very nice. I believe he really tried his best to give me space and not rush things, but that wasn't possible for him. He kept saying “I'm committed to giving you everything you need, including time and space.” All I could hear was “I'm already committed to you.”
So Tuesday night, I called to have “a talk.” I explained that I could tell we were in two different places. I also told him that it was clear we were looking for different things, and although I think he's wonderful and really do like him, I'm not anywhere close to being ready for a relationship.
He got very quiet.
When he finally talked again, there was obvious pain in his voice. He wanted to find a way to make it work (again that line about being committed to giving me time and space.) I explained, though, that it wasn't enough for me. So it was decided that we were done, though he asked that I call him if I ever change my mind.
I've had to have these types of conversations before, and they're never easy. I don't know if it's something about the kind of guys I choose or the kinds of relationships I get into, but that power imbalance between one person who is head-over-heels while the other is still only mildly enthused is never a good place to be.
Showing posts with label Isaiah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Isaiah. Show all posts
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Twice in One Week
While I was sitting in the Houston airport during my layover on my way home from Seattle, Isaiah called. He asked if I was free Wednesday night for dinner, which I was. He offered to cook, and I have an awesome kitchen at my house, so we decided he would come over and cook here. Or at least, that was the plan- until Wednesday morning, when I noticed my roommate was still home at a time when she would normally be at work. I asked why, and she told me she had pneumonia.
Now, I've never had pneumonia myself, but I can't imagine that it's pleasant. Furthermore, I can't imagine that I'd want to have some random guy my roommate just started dating traipsing around my house while I'm sick with pneumonia. So I called Isaiah and put the kibosh on our dinner plans.
When I told him, he suggested that I come to lunch with him and two of his friends that day instead. I did, and it was really fun- his friends were both really nice and the sushi was great. Afterwards, he invited me back to another friend's house where he is staying for a few days to do a project for her. He offered a shoulder rub, which turned into making out, which turned into screwing in the kitchen. Sorry, Isaiah's friend- I promise we cleaned up everything we touched.
That was Wednesday night. Friday, I had invited Isaiah to join me for a performance of a friend's band. The performance was at 7, but he wanted to get together at 1 and “hang out.” I managed to push that back to “sometime in the afternoon.” So when I was out with two of my friends on Friday afternoon, they suggested he come meet us. He did, things were nice, etc., but I couldn't help but wonder when we'd finally get a date that didn't involve friends.
He came back to my house afterward to kill some time before the show. I'm sure you can figure out what that entailed. Before I realized it, it was 6:45 and I was nowhere near ready to get out of bed and be seen in public. So I missed the show.
And it was probably worth missing the show for. He's very enthusiastic in bed, and definitely has longevity. But that doesn't quite translate into mind-blowing sex. Don't get me wrong- he's good. Just not top-ten.
As we were laying in bed talking, he mentioned wanting to call me his girlfriend. That freaked me out a LOT. I just got out of a relationship two weeks ago! I'm definitely not in a hurry to get back in another one. Plus I don't know if I like him that much yet. He's a very nice guy, and I do have a fun time with him, but there is just something about it that I'm not feeling. I don't know if that's because I just ended things with the Diplomat, or if it's something about Isaiah, but I'm not going to make any big moves right now.
I'm most worried that he wants to hang out daily, while I'm still in the “twice a week may be too often” phase. I need a lot of space even while in a relationship, but especially in the beginning stages of one. When I'm most infatuated with a guy, it'll come out in me wanting to talk to him daily. But there's no way I want to see the same person every day. That was even an issue while the Diplomat and I were spending just about every other night together- I felt like I didn't have enough alone time. Am I unusual in this? What's your sweet spot in how often you see someone you're dating?
Now, I've never had pneumonia myself, but I can't imagine that it's pleasant. Furthermore, I can't imagine that I'd want to have some random guy my roommate just started dating traipsing around my house while I'm sick with pneumonia. So I called Isaiah and put the kibosh on our dinner plans.
When I told him, he suggested that I come to lunch with him and two of his friends that day instead. I did, and it was really fun- his friends were both really nice and the sushi was great. Afterwards, he invited me back to another friend's house where he is staying for a few days to do a project for her. He offered a shoulder rub, which turned into making out, which turned into screwing in the kitchen. Sorry, Isaiah's friend- I promise we cleaned up everything we touched.
That was Wednesday night. Friday, I had invited Isaiah to join me for a performance of a friend's band. The performance was at 7, but he wanted to get together at 1 and “hang out.” I managed to push that back to “sometime in the afternoon.” So when I was out with two of my friends on Friday afternoon, they suggested he come meet us. He did, things were nice, etc., but I couldn't help but wonder when we'd finally get a date that didn't involve friends.
He came back to my house afterward to kill some time before the show. I'm sure you can figure out what that entailed. Before I realized it, it was 6:45 and I was nowhere near ready to get out of bed and be seen in public. So I missed the show.
And it was probably worth missing the show for. He's very enthusiastic in bed, and definitely has longevity. But that doesn't quite translate into mind-blowing sex. Don't get me wrong- he's good. Just not top-ten.
As we were laying in bed talking, he mentioned wanting to call me his girlfriend. That freaked me out a LOT. I just got out of a relationship two weeks ago! I'm definitely not in a hurry to get back in another one. Plus I don't know if I like him that much yet. He's a very nice guy, and I do have a fun time with him, but there is just something about it that I'm not feeling. I don't know if that's because I just ended things with the Diplomat, or if it's something about Isaiah, but I'm not going to make any big moves right now.
I'm most worried that he wants to hang out daily, while I'm still in the “twice a week may be too often” phase. I need a lot of space even while in a relationship, but especially in the beginning stages of one. When I'm most infatuated with a guy, it'll come out in me wanting to talk to him daily. But there's no way I want to see the same person every day. That was even an issue while the Diplomat and I were spending just about every other night together- I felt like I didn't have enough alone time. Am I unusual in this? What's your sweet spot in how often you see someone you're dating?
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Getting Back on the Horse
With the implosion of things with the Diplomat, the vultures immediately began to circle. I had two booty call offers that weekend, but I chose not to take either one. Instead, I went to see a burlesque show by myself on Friday night. I was able to just enjoy myself, being by myself. Though the Pirate joined me halfway through the show, there was no pressure to make it a date.
I had been talking to a new guy online just before the breakup, and he chose that week to finally ask me out. I was really nervous about whether or not I was ready to go on a date with a new person, but I ultimately decided that I wanted to give it a shot. Worst case scenario, I could be that crazy woman that breaks down in the middle of dinner shouting “I just can't do this!”
We agreed to meet for drinks on Wednesday night, which also happened to be my last day at my internship. What I didn't realize is that my coworkers had planned to take me out for happy hour that night as well. When I found that out, I was stuck. I could cancel the date and go to happy hour, meet my date later that night, or invite him to come to happy hour with us. I took the last route.
That's right, I changed plans on a first date to bring him to happy hour with six coworkers. I'm a bad person.
Isaiah was a good sport about the whole situation. One of my coworkers teased that it was the first test- if he couldn't deal with me changing plans to something crazy at the last minute, we probably wouldn't last. He got along well with all of us, and was laughing and talking with everyone. On my end of things, it took a lot of pressure off the first date. I didn't feel like I had to fill the silences or come up with endless interesting conversation, because there were other people who had things to say as well. I'm sure it wasn't quite so easy for him, but at the end of the day, I liked it.
As people began to dwindle away from the happy hour, Isaiah and I decided to go down the block to a nearby cafe and get some dessert. We split a brownie sundae, and had really interesting conversation about music (he's a bass player), the fluidity of sexuality (we're both somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale), and how hot that Old Spice commercial guy is (he can imitate Isaiah Mustafa's booming voice perfectly- thus this date's nickname). He was really easy to talk to! It also helped that he is super hot- tall and muscular, with medium-length dreds. At one point I touched his arm, and it took all my willpower not to rub all the way up to his bicep.
Things were winding down with dessert, and as I was about to ask him to walk me to my car, he suggested we go down to the neighborhood park. I was really not wanting the date to end yet, so I agreed. We found the little playground at the side of the park, and sat down on the swing-set. How much cuter can you get on a first date than brownie sundaes and a swing-set? I was killing myself with the sugary sweetness of the whole situation, and loving every minute of it.
He did walk me back to my car after that, and as we were saying goodbye we kissed. The entire date I'd been thinking to myself, “This is going so well. Please don't let him turn out to be a bad kisser!” I was worried over nothing- that boy knew what he was doing.
Ideally, I wouldn't suggest that someone go on a date just a week after a hurtful breakup. But I've never been one for following my own advice. He may be a rebound, or he may be around for a while- only time will tell. Either way, having a good date with Isaiah was a wonderful reminder that life goes on.
I had been talking to a new guy online just before the breakup, and he chose that week to finally ask me out. I was really nervous about whether or not I was ready to go on a date with a new person, but I ultimately decided that I wanted to give it a shot. Worst case scenario, I could be that crazy woman that breaks down in the middle of dinner shouting “I just can't do this!”
We agreed to meet for drinks on Wednesday night, which also happened to be my last day at my internship. What I didn't realize is that my coworkers had planned to take me out for happy hour that night as well. When I found that out, I was stuck. I could cancel the date and go to happy hour, meet my date later that night, or invite him to come to happy hour with us. I took the last route.
That's right, I changed plans on a first date to bring him to happy hour with six coworkers. I'm a bad person.
Isaiah was a good sport about the whole situation. One of my coworkers teased that it was the first test- if he couldn't deal with me changing plans to something crazy at the last minute, we probably wouldn't last. He got along well with all of us, and was laughing and talking with everyone. On my end of things, it took a lot of pressure off the first date. I didn't feel like I had to fill the silences or come up with endless interesting conversation, because there were other people who had things to say as well. I'm sure it wasn't quite so easy for him, but at the end of the day, I liked it.
As people began to dwindle away from the happy hour, Isaiah and I decided to go down the block to a nearby cafe and get some dessert. We split a brownie sundae, and had really interesting conversation about music (he's a bass player), the fluidity of sexuality (we're both somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale), and how hot that Old Spice commercial guy is (he can imitate Isaiah Mustafa's booming voice perfectly- thus this date's nickname). He was really easy to talk to! It also helped that he is super hot- tall and muscular, with medium-length dreds. At one point I touched his arm, and it took all my willpower not to rub all the way up to his bicep.
Things were winding down with dessert, and as I was about to ask him to walk me to my car, he suggested we go down to the neighborhood park. I was really not wanting the date to end yet, so I agreed. We found the little playground at the side of the park, and sat down on the swing-set. How much cuter can you get on a first date than brownie sundaes and a swing-set? I was killing myself with the sugary sweetness of the whole situation, and loving every minute of it.
He did walk me back to my car after that, and as we were saying goodbye we kissed. The entire date I'd been thinking to myself, “This is going so well. Please don't let him turn out to be a bad kisser!” I was worried over nothing- that boy knew what he was doing.
Ideally, I wouldn't suggest that someone go on a date just a week after a hurtful breakup. But I've never been one for following my own advice. He may be a rebound, or he may be around for a while- only time will tell. Either way, having a good date with Isaiah was a wonderful reminder that life goes on.
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