The Date Slut Goes Date-less

So begins the grand experiment (tm). Just like the last time I neglected this blog, I got too busy with school and work and (ironically) dating. Unlike last time, I'm returning not to promise to be better about blogging my dates, but to tell you why there won't be any dates this year.

That's right, I'm taking the year off. The plan is for it to be the entire year, though there are apparently some betting pools among my friends of how long I will really last. (That's right, I know about you guys!) No relationships, no dating, and only a few hot-and-dirty rendezvous allowed.

Why am I doing this? Long story short, “The Date Slut” was a really accurate name. I would go on dates with just about anybody. Even when I wasn't in a relationship, I was always dating at least one (usually two, or three, or seven) people. But you knew all about this. I can't even remember the last time I was “truly” single- i.e. not dating anyone at all.

But it's no fun to make a long story short. So here's the more extended version.

I still remember my first date. His name was B.J. (No, really. That's not one of my made-up nicknames.) I was in the 7th grade, and my church youth group took a trip to the gigantic mall the next city over. B.J. and I had just had our first kiss (and my first kiss ever) on the playground the week before. He was an 8th grader, and I thought he was Totally Dreamy. Maybe he reminded me of Hansen, I don't know. So that weekend, off we went to the mall.

For some reason, the youth director chaperoning us allowed us all to go off on our own, with orders to meet back periodically to check in. B.J. and I hung around with my bff for a while, doing such awesome things as shopping at the Disney Store, and having “Date Slut & B.J. 4-Ever” written on a grain of rice necklace. Then he decided we should go to a movie.

We didn't have time to actually watch a whole movie, but of course that wasn't the point. The next one to start was The Talented Mr. Ripley. To this day, I still haven't actually *seen* it. As soon as the previews were over (because, he told me, “I love the previews!”) he started shoving his tongue down my throat and I thought it was the most romantic thing ever. Then we realized we were going to be late and had to run out. Ah, young love.

The next week, he brought me a red rose with a ton of baby's breath to school. Maybe it was Valentine's Day? Regardless, I just “knew” that I was going to be with him forever. Until he decided to dump me shortly after for some blonde chick. I remember wanting to be angsty about it for a long time, but barely being able to keep my sad-face on long enough for my friends to ask me what was wrong.

So my dating life had a less-than-auspicious start. And it's never really stopped. There were a slew of middle-school boyfriends (including two proposals). High school went by in a flash of “who am I dating this week? Oh yeah.” And college (after a brief bout of an unsuccessful marriage) was even more of the same.

I am an independent woman. I've accomplished everything I've set out to do so far, and much of it on my own. Yet there is something that has compelled me to always have someone on my arm, and usually a couple more people waiting in the wings. The point of my dating hiatus isn't soul-searching, believe me, but maybe I'll find out some new things about myself on the way. Even if I don't, dating is so time-consuming! It always manages to derail my best-laid plans, both in the short term (“Well, I usually go to yoga on Monday nights, but if it's the only time you're free...”) and the long term (“Maybe I won't go to that grad school, and I'll stay here with you instead!”) Thankfully no permanent damage has been done to them yet, but I'm looking forward to getting back on track with me.

There is one big obstacle I forsee, though. And no, it's not sex! You'll note that I'm giving up DATING and RELATIONSHIPS. If I tried to give up sex, I'd definitely fail. I'm not going to have random hook-ups, either. I have a couple good guys (some of whom have already been mentioned on this blog) that have graciously agreed to allow me to booty-call them as needed. So self-sacrificing, right?

No, the problem is boredom. One of the biggest perks to me about dating people is having someone to do things with. I love getting out of the house and going on adventures, and dating, especially at the beginning of dating a new person, is perfect for that. Trying new restaurants and activities, having someone to go to the movies with- this is what I'm afraid I'm going to miss. So this year is also going to be an adventure in doing things alone.

I can already promise you now that I won't be updating this blog daily, or even weekly. I am going to try to stick to a monthly schedule, though, both for you guys and for myself. At the end of the year, I am going to reflect on my successes and failures. And we'll see where life takes me without someone on my arm holding me back!

Twice in One Week

While I was sitting in the Houston airport during my layover on my way home from Seattle, Isaiah called. He asked if I was free Wednesday night for dinner, which I was. He offered to cook, and I have an awesome kitchen at my house, so we decided he would come over and cook here. Or at least, that was the plan- until Wednesday morning, when I noticed my roommate was still home at a time when she would normally be at work. I asked why, and she told me she had pneumonia.

Now, I've never had pneumonia myself, but I can't imagine that it's pleasant. Furthermore, I can't imagine that I'd want to have some random guy my roommate just started dating traipsing around my house while I'm sick with pneumonia. So I called Isaiah and put the kibosh on our dinner plans.

When I told him, he suggested that I come to lunch with him and two of his friends that day instead. I did, and it was really fun- his friends were both really nice and the sushi was great. Afterwards, he invited me back to another friend's house where he is staying for a few days to do a project for her. He offered a shoulder rub, which turned into making out, which turned into screwing in the kitchen. Sorry, Isaiah's friend- I promise we cleaned up everything we touched.

That was Wednesday night. Friday, I had invited Isaiah to join me for a performance of a friend's band. The performance was at 7, but he wanted to get together at 1 and “hang out.” I managed to push that back to “sometime in the afternoon.” So when I was out with two of my friends on Friday afternoon, they suggested he come meet us. He did, things were nice, etc., but I couldn't help but wonder when we'd finally get a date that didn't involve friends.

He came back to my house afterward to kill some time before the show. I'm sure you can figure out what that entailed. Before I realized it, it was 6:45 and I was nowhere near ready to get out of bed and be seen in public. So I missed the show.

And it was probably worth missing the show for. He's very enthusiastic in bed, and definitely has longevity. But that doesn't quite translate into mind-blowing sex. Don't get me wrong- he's good. Just not top-ten.

As we were laying in bed talking, he mentioned wanting to call me his girlfriend. That freaked me out a LOT. I just got out of a relationship two weeks ago! I'm definitely not in a hurry to get back in another one. Plus I don't know if I like him that much yet. He's a very nice guy, and I do have a fun time with him, but there is just something about it that I'm not feeling. I don't know if that's because I just ended things with the Diplomat, or if it's something about Isaiah, but I'm not going to make any big moves right now.

I'm most worried that he wants to hang out daily, while I'm still in the “twice a week may be too often” phase. I need a lot of space even while in a relationship, but especially in the beginning stages of one. When I'm most infatuated with a guy, it'll come out in me wanting to talk to him daily. But there's no way I want to see the same person every day. That was even an issue while the Diplomat and I were spending just about every other night together- I felt like I didn't have enough alone time. Am I unusual in this? What's your sweet spot in how often you see someone you're dating?