As much as I would like to be able to report that the Dreamer is out of my life, that's not the case. For starters, he is ostensibly my fellow employee and semi-boss at my part-time job. Probably not the best position, you might be thinking-and you'd be right. While I've tried to remain generally friendly, he's been pushing for a bit more.
The first indication I had that he was still hoping for something between us was the week before finals. I got a text from him while I was in a night class asking me out for a drink. I turned him down on account of school, but asked why he wanted to get together. He claimed innocent intentions, but the whole situation smacked of an attempted booty call.
Then not long after, in fact the same day as I went to the Bird Man's house, he showed up at my office. I was working alone on filing- I'm generally the only person there on Saturdays, and he knows it. I didn't mind him coming by, though it was a bit uncomfortable. We tried making small talk, neither of us really willing to put forward our own personal happenings since the breakup.
Eventually we ended up with him sitting on a couch in the office while I perched on the arm of it. Being that close to him, all I could think of was how much I missed pressing up against his broad chest. I think he was having thoughts in a similar vein, as he soon offered me a shoulder rub. When it was done, instead of going back to the arm of the couch, I sat down next to him.
As we joked and flirted, I kept staring at the flecks of green in his eyes as they caught the light, and before I knew it, I'd leaned over to kiss him. Almost instantly I was straddling him on the couch as we made out. His hands quickly found their way under my shirt and pulled it over my head. As he lifted my breasts free from my bra, my mind was overcome by his smell and the feel of him pressed against me.
He wrapped his arms around me as he picked me up and laid me on the floor, kneeling above me. Had either of us had condoms, there is no doubt in my mind that we would have had sex. When I told him I didn't have any, he barely acknowledged the statement. He instead pulled doff my pants and took off his own, his eyes filled with lust.
I'll admit to two fleeting thoughts. The first was the temptation to have sex anyway. This thought I immediately discarded. The second was that he might not stop. I reminded myself, though, that for all the problems the Dreamer has exhibited in the past, disregarding my right to say no has never been one of them.
We didn't have sex on the office floor. Instead, I had him sit back on the leather couch while I gave him a blowjob. When it was done, I retreated to the bathroom with my clothes.
All that was going through my mind was how stupid I'd been. Those thoughts were confirmed when I came out and saw him again. All those overwhelming feelings of missing him had vanished entirely. I was simply left feeling annoyed that he'd interrupted my day so dramatically, and though I did my best to hit it, all I wanted was for him to leave.
There is no worse feeling than regret over one's own actions. I was upset with myself, not him, for acting that way. Rather than the self-confident woman who doesn't need him around and is thriving quite nicely without him, I came off as needy and wanting him.
My fears that he would interpret that afternoon as a sign of my continued interest in him were confirmed this week. I was out of town when he texted me to ask if I would go see a movie with him. I turned him down, but the entire situation makes me uneasy. While the Dreamer isn't a bad guy, I feel much better off without him.
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