Last week, I finally got a paycheck that I had been waiting on for far too long. It was to the point of eating those random things left in the fridge and pantry rather than going to the grocery store. As you can probably guess, that meant I didn't have a lot of money to be spending on dates.
When I'm dating someone who has a steady job, it's always nice of them to offer to pay, and I almost always accept. Every once in a while, though, I feel the need to flex my feminist muscle and do the paying myself. So yesterday, when my check cleared and I had a comfortable cushion in my bank account again, the first thing I did was call up the Dreamer and ask him out to dinner.
We went out to dinner at a casual bar/restaurant just down the street from me. People keep recommending it to me when they find out where I live, so I had pretty high expectations. The food was good, the beer was great, but the service...well, it was rather lackluster. It was my first chance to see how the Dreamer reacted to a bad waiter- some people get really rude and catty about it, others are pushovers. He's right in between; he made a comment that he was glad I was in charge of tipping, reminded the waiter about my drink that I was waiting for, and that was all.
We were at a table in the corner, which made it easier for us to talk. As easy as it can be in a bar restaurant, at least. In other words, we were able to hear each other without shouting. That was good, since I'm sure if people heard our conversation, they'd be really confused. The Dreamer had something important to tell me, and he was really nervous about it.
His news? That he has a date with another girl this week. His nervousness was palpable; fidgeting, not looking me in the eye. It was clear he was unsure how I'd react.
I think my response really surprised him. I said, “great!”
“Really?”
“Of course! Why would that bother me?”
“Well, this is just not at all what I'm used to.”
Of course, that's perfectly understandable. Our society teaches us to be jealous and reproachful of others as they interact with our significant others. To me, though, my boyfriend dating another person doesn't mean he likes me any less. I date other people, but I don't like him any less. My only request was that he let me know if he's dating someone, but he's welcome to give me as much or as little detail beyond that as he is comfortable with.
We also discussed PDA. I'm a big fan of mild PDA- hugging, kissing, handholding; not so much making out and grinding on each other. As such, I'm a very touchy-feely person. If I'm talking to you, chances are I'll reach out and touch your arm. If I'm dating you, I'll almost certainly kiss your cheek or take your hand fairly often. The Dreamer, as he explained, is used to women doing that as a way to mark their territory. I'd never thought of it that way, but it makes sense- it's a nonverbal way of saying “back off ladies, he's mine.” That isn't at all my intent, though. I just do it because I like the person I'm with.
We also had a talk about sex toys. I LOVE toys. Not every time, of course, but I think they're a lot of fun. Too many guys are intimidated by the idea of women using a toy in bed; they internalize it as a critique on their sexual ability. That isn't the case, though! When used by partners, they're a great way to enhance the experience for both people. I think the key is to talk about them openly, and find something that both people are comfortable with and enjoy. By getting rid of the taboo and addressing any fears of inadequacy, I think a lot more guys would be open to them.
So, last night was fun. I slept hard, though- I didn't even wake up when the Dreamer got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. That tells me that I'm getting comfortable sleeping with him, which is a really good feeling. Of course it sucked when I had to get up at 5 this morning to get some work done before class while he slept in for another hour. He's so cute when he's sleeping, though, I can't complain too much.
I'm going to the west coast this weekend to present at a conference, so it's going to be a sparse weekend for dating.
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