Thursday night was my first date with the Linguist. No, he's not a Cunning Linguist...or maybe he is, and I just don't know it yet. He was a translator with the Army, though, and he “speaks” an astounding number of computer programming languages, so it's a fitting title.
Now, the Linguist is a happily married father of two. No, he's not cheating on his wife. They have a polyamorous relationship, even though they're married. Before agreeing to go out with him, I asked what kind of rules or arrangement they have regarding their relationship. He told me that they don't really put rules on other relationships, which I like, but the main thing is that he doesn't date women who want him to leave his wife, and she doesn't date men who do the same. They are committed to each other, even though they have other relationships.
When the Linguist first messaged me on the dating site, I initially turned him down. He had sent such a well thought-out letter, though, that I didn't want to leave him hanging. Instead, I sent him a quick note thanking him for messaging me but saying that at almost 40, he's outside of my comfort zone. A few days later, though, I reconsidered. It's not so much that I thought he would be too old, but that the last couple relationships I've had with older guys didn't end well. Still, he seemed nice and funny, so I emailed him again saying I'd like to meet.
The Linguist lives south of the city, while I live in the northern part. It was very sweet when he offered to come up to my neighborhood to go out instead of acting put out that he would have to travel so far. He professed a love for Indian food in his profile, so we decided on a place that I'd gone a couple times before. It was really cute when he walked in and I was already seated at a table. He waved and grinned. When he got to the table I had to ask him, “what if you were just waving at some random person?” That's totally something that would happen to me.
Dinner went great. We had a few pauses in conversation, as can be expected on a first date, but they were never awkward or uncomfortable. He let me try a bite of his food, but I teased him that I wasn't going to let him have any of mine. He kept inching closer to me throughout the night, and by the time we were ready for the check, we were holding hands across the table.
After he paid the bill, he asked if I'd be interested in walking around the neighborhood. It's a great place to do that- lots of little shops and restaurants. We stopped by his car first to put his leftovers up, and when he turned around from putting them on the seat, he wrapped his arms around me, pulled me close, and took my breath away with a passionate kiss.
Based on that, he probably is a cunning linguist.
We walked over to the bookstore holding hands. We are both book fiends, so it was fun walking around, giving each other recommendations and making fun of others. Apparently his tween-aged daughter is obsessed with Twilight (of course), and he read the books for her. How sweet is that? We both ended up buying a couple books, which is surprisingly restrained for me, including him getting one for his wife. That spawned a conversation about being married while polyamorous.
“Most of our friends don't get it,” he said. “They ask, 'you go on dates with other people? And you sometimes talk about your wife with them?' Of course I talk about my wife- she's a major part of my life!”
He also told me that his daughter is aware of their polyamory. “It's not a big deal to her. We didn't make a big thing of it, so she doesn't either.” I think that's a really cool way to go about it.
After the bookstore, he walked me back to my car. A goodbye kiss turned into a goodbye makeout session next to my car, and after several tries we finally stopped long enough for me to get in my car and go. We already have plans for another date in a couple weeks, after he gets back from a business trip. I'm definitely glad I took the chance and went out with him.
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